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Last week I was invited by Debbie Wong to share a piece of traveling writing at her book launch event. She invited other local travel bloggers Jai of Savoir There and Henry of Fotoeins Fotopress to share their stories as well. They both shared beautiful stories on Cambodia and Chile – click over to their blogs to read them. It was a nerve wracking experience to say the least, but I’m glad I did it.
I decided to share a piece written over the course of three years about the meaning of home and how it changed for me as I moved to Budapest, got comfortable in the city and then moved away. It was taken from a series of blog posts that I had written and then pieced together into one story which I’m sharing with you today.
Debbie introducing me for my piece.
Searching for Home Between the Mountains of Canada and the Plains of Hungary
November 17, 2011
When you’re living abroad, you meet the most interesting people and have the most interesting conversations. The other night, I was having dinner with people from all corners of the world. All of them expats, all of whom have been living in Budapest for months when the topic of home came up in conversation.
One said that home is where their friends were and since the majority of their friends had left their hometown that wasn’t really home anymore. Instead, they consider Budapest to be their home, where they feel the most comfortable.
This got me thinking. Is home the place where you grew up? Or where your family is? Is home where you feel most comfortable? Or perhaps where you have a job? Where you can see a future?
Where is my home? Is it in Vancouver where I grew up? Or Victoria where I went to university? Or is it where I am now, Budapest?
Is it possible to have multiple homes?
Vancouver is where I spent most of my life. I grew up there and lived there briefly before going abroad. I love the city dearly with its glorious snowcapped mountains, multiculturalism and openness. Vancouver is familiarity, comfort and family.
Victoria is where I gained my independence and where I started on my journey of finding myself. Moving out for university was probably the best decision I could have made. For a while, Victoria truly was home. Victoria is independence, discovery and finding my passions.
And now I’m in Budapest. This is the longest I’ve been away from Canada and what I have always considered “home.” For now, Budapest still feels temporary and that home is Vancouver. I love being in Budapest and I really like the city, but there is a feeling that isn’t quite right here.
December 12, 2012
In less than a week, I’ll be aboard a flight bound for Vancouver. When I think about leaving Budapest, even for this short time, I get a mixture of feelings. On one hand, I’m excited to be going back. I’ve been away for so long and I’m looking forward to seeing my family and friends, to rediscovering the city.
But on the other hand, I’m utterly terrified of going home. I’m afraid of the changes in the city, in my friends, in me. Will things be strange? Will I still be able to relate to my friends and family? How will I explain everything that I’ve experienced in Budapest to them?
And I’m also sad. As much as the last few months have been difficult with the loss of my job and getting sick abroad, Budapest is home to me now. I have wonderful friends and great memories in this city.
Most of all I’m sad to be leaving the budding relationship I have with my Hungarian boyfriend. I adore him, but will we last the couple months of separation? More than anything he has made this place home for me.
Maybe what makes a place home is the people know you and the network of support that you create for yourself, after all.
November 14, 2013
I had originally gone to Vancouver knowing that I was returning to Europe. I had a job, a place to live, and a full closet. I had a life in Budapest. But of course, life doesn’t always turn out the way that you plan it to be and I had to stay in Vancouver for a little while longer. Eventually I found a job and settled down.
Now, almost a year later, I’m starting to struggle. I have this ongoing urge to pack up my life and just go, but at the same time I don’t. I’m bored with the monotony of day to day life and yet, the comforts of home are slowly seeping it. I’m ready for change and adventure. Can it be as simple as buying a plane ticket to the other side of the world?
I was able to do it 3 years ago, so why can’t I just do it again?
I’m neither here nor there. Half of my worldly possessions are currently at my boyfriend’s house on the other side of the world. Long distance relationships are hard and the nine hour time difference makes it difficult to really talk and connect. Seeing each other every 7-8 months just doesn’t cut it.
Maybe home isn’t where you grew up or where your family is. But then, what does make a place home? I love Vancouver for its beautiful mountains, diverse food and multiculturalism. Yet, I love Budapest for who I am when I’m there and for its edgy and exciting vibe. When I’m in one city, I miss the other. So where do I belong?
On my Twitter profile, I list my location as both Vancouver and Budapest. Is this what the rest of my life is going to be? Destined to be torn between two very beautiful, but very different cities? For now I consider both as home and while I’m currently spending more of my time in Vancouver, who is to say that this won’t change in the future? And I’m okay with that.
Have you struggled with figuring out where is home? What is home to you?
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Adelina, I’m now 61 and have been living in France since I was 22. The first time I left I didn’t go back to Australia for 3 years. Since then I return about every 3 years. Unlike you, I have always considered France my home – even when I thought I wouldn’t be able to stay any longer because of work papers. I have been married and divorced and remarried in France. My children have dual citizenship. One lives in New York and the other in Berlin. In the year 2000, when my mother died, I decided to take French citizenship which meant relinquishing my Australian passport at the time. However, I fought alongside other expats to obtain dual nationality like my children. We changed the constitution!
I have been to Hungary and other Eastern European countries and I can understand that it would be a big move. There is a much greater gap between Hungary and Vancouver than there is between Paris and Townsville!
In any case, I hope things work out. Long-distance relationships, though unsatisfying, can last.
Thanks so much for sharing your story and for your words of reassurance. That’s so amazing that you were able to change the constitution.
It’s hard! I have the same pull between Minneapolis/St. Paul and Prague. I left Prague after 2.5 years of living there… and then returned 5 years later 🙂 I had to make sure I wasn’t going back because of culture shock or boredom or running away from something. No, it was a well-thought choice for a great job during a stable, happy time in my life. You never know!
Thanks for sharing Emily! I went back to Budapest earlier this year for a short visit and I just felt comfortable. It wasn’t weird at all so I’m thinking if I ever go back, it’ll be a natural transition.
To quote Disney, specifically to quote Pumbaa from the Lion King “Home is where your rump rests”.
This annoys my mother a great deal, as to me, the place I grew up is not home. I feel trapped and stagnant here. I love my friends, but they don’t really get my desire to travel. I want to do more than I’m doing now & this isn’t the place I can do it. Where do I consider home? I don’t know… I guess that’s the joy of wanting to be nomadic….. Until recently, on my personal facebook I, like you, listed both Spain and Thornford as where I live. Yet I want to be in neither….
Yup, I totally get what you mean. It’s this desire to go out, explore and see more of this world. Maybe it’s okay to not really have a true home. Home is just where you are for the moment?
Lovely post Adelina! It’s very interesting to read how your thought process changed over the years! I understand completely this “home” dilemma. I more or less grew up in Southern California (since age of 11), so I guess SoCal’s home. And I also stayed in SoCal through college and when I moved into my own apartments. But now that I’m traveling the world, and no longer have a physical place in SoCal, I’m not so sure where’s home anymore. Especially since my family doesn’t really support me traveling, it doesn’t feel like that I have an emotional safety net in SoCal anymore. When I went back to SoCal briefly before Europe, it didn’t completely feel like returning home. It felt more like I was just stuck there until I can move on again. I think home is really where you have people who support you and love you! This is a good thinking post! I may have to steal this idea someday and write about it too!
Thanks for sharing Anna! I think the concept on home gets tougher for those who like to travel and wander the world. I hope you write a post yourself! Looking forward to reading it 🙂
I’m aware of some of these issues from our own convos, as well as my own journeys over the last two-plus decades; Europe (Germany) is and feels like home. I loved hearing about your story in your own voice at Debbie Wong’s book launch. I hope your story resonates with people with all ages, and encourages them to embark on their own journey for personal truth. Thanks for writing and sharing this, Adelina!
Thanks so much Henry!
Out on the road I definitely struggle to answer the question, “Where are you from?” I described the challenge in a piece for Extract(s) magazine (if I may: bit [dot] ly [slash] 1Bi1aJY).
“Where is home?” is a little easier. My wife and I adopted the philosophy of, “Home is where your toothbrush is.” We strive to make ourselves feel at home wherever we are in the world. So far so good!
That’s a great philosophy. I like it! I’m off to check out your piece now.